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BULLETIN

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A Love Not Yet Lost

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  • Tip Bones

Depression,


even at my lowest,

I can function like a person.

I can get my job done

Sometimes, I even still feel worth it.


Some of my best days I still spend in bed;

Those days,

I dedicate to recuperation.


When someone loves you;

They don't want to see you sad.

They may think you've given up,

That you left them

making love to your demons instead.


When they love you;

They’re hurt that you're hurting.

They imagine they can feel your pain.


Their imagination only imagines

What they feel themselves.


Today,

I feel like I’ll never be enough again.


Depression on my worst days;


I kick and scream.


The mania creeps,

fades to red,

blood pours into my vision.

Blinded beyond all recollection.


Those days I need you the most.


But you’re also depressed.

This world has had its way with you,

time and time again


When we are close;


we can be

so in love one moment,

then,

so at odds the next.


Seeing the other as an enemy

who could never understand.


Hurting one another.


"Protecting" ourselves.


That is what we tell ourselves.


However,


In the process,

we are destroying what means the most.

I always dream we are meant to be.


Even through anger;

I still try to see you

It must hurt sometimes to be you.


I'm not sure why

I’m the one you’ve chosen

moving through these feelings,

into the future with.


I’ve never given up.


As hopeless as it seems,

As much as,

The world has broken me down endlessly.


Maybe it wasn’t you.

It was those demons that have attached themselves coming through.


I love you.


I don’t want to let go.


But, if you think its best I’ll leave you alone.


I’m sorry I saw you as the man I wanted you to be.


I'm sorry I could never be the woman you saw.


You can’t understand what you choose not to see.


If you'll have me, I never gave up.


I will continue to try if you will let me.


For now, we stay disconnected.


We think we are trying our best.

I’m locked in a room;

I'm in a prison that seems to have no end.

Maybe tomorrow, just maybe, after the world goes to bed,

We can apologize and be okay again.


For now, I’ll just try to pass the time,

I'll be here crying underneath my bed.


I don’t know if I’m hiding from you or my feelings.


I just know that it hurts like hell and I’m tired of losing.

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