In part-I, we learned a few principles of never criticize, appreciate, smile, and have a "you" attitude. Let's take a look at the next principles.
Be Good Listeners While Encouraging
Others To Talk About Themselves. One of the most important skills anyone can have is the ability to listen. It really doesn't matter if you're a parent listening to your child or a team leader listening to an employee. If you want to be a good conversationalist and have people enjoy being around you, you have to be an attentive listener. Carnegie explains that to be interesting, you must be interested. Some practical tips for accomplishing this are to ask questions that people will enjoy answering. You should also encourage people to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Lastly, when someone talks to you look at them. This may sound odd but if you're more interested in looking at your smartphone while " listening " to someone chances are you're not being a good conversationalist!
I ask personal questions than professional ones when I meet someone for the first time. I ask “ What do you love to do in your free time? " or " What is your passion? " instead of asking " What do you do for a living? " Talk In Terms Of The Other Person's Interests.
Find out what people are interested in and direct your conversation towards that topic.
Now, to some, this may sound obvious. But a key aspect to building rapport with people is to find ways to connect with them. If someone likes Hollywood movies, it's not a good idea to talk about politics. If the other person is a football fan, but you hate that sport, make an effort to discuss on ongoing football matches, although against your wish.
Make The Other Person Feel Important And Do It Sincerely.
Make the other person feel important and valued. In other words, “ Do unto others as you would have done unto you. " If we want to be appreciated and feel important, we should make others feel appreciated and important first. So, the next time you're feeling unappreciated, or unimportant, it may be wise to reflect on how many people you've recently built up with praise and appreciation.
The Only Way To Get The Best Of An Argument Is To Avoid It.
Carnegie urges us to avoid arguments like you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes. You see, most of the time, arguments simply make someone feel
embarrassed, uncomfortable, or hurt their pride and make them feel inferior to you.
And, even if you technically win an argument, you've really lost since the other person likely wants to punch you in the nose. So, even though it's much easier said than done, we should always attempt to control our temper and remember:
Show Respect For The Other Person's
Opinions. Never Say, “ You're wrong. " Now then, in addition to avoiding arguments, telling someone they're wrong is a direct blow at their intelligence, pride, and self - respect. Furthermore, it doesn't make them want to agree with you. Instead, it puts them on the defensive and really drives a wedge between you and them. If someone makes a statement you know is wrong, try saying something like " Well, now, look, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. As I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let's examine the facts. " Using the phrase " I may be wrong. Let's examine the facts " or something like it can do wonders.
If You're Wrong, Admit It Quickly And Emphatically.
The principle focused on in this chapter may just be the toughest of all. When you're wrong admit it. Don't try to dance around it or attempt to sugar coat it. Just admit your mistake, say you're sorry and do your best to never do it again.
The President of Toyota had in 2009 announced they expected to lose $ 8.6 billion during the fiscal year. Here's what President Watanabe said, " Of course the external environment doesn't help, but we were lacking in the scope and speed of dealing with various problems and issues, and for that I am sorry. " If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do. Why this line can save a life? To know this, see you in the next part. Till then, happy reading and happy avoiding arguments.
See You in Part-III