Welcome to the 3rd & last part of the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Here is the next principle.
Begin In A Friendly Way.
Let's say you're dealing with an extremely difficult colleague who does something to really upset you. The way we handle the situation will go a long way in determining how much influence we'll have. Here's how Carnegie states it, “ If your temper is aroused and you go off on someone and tell them a thing or two, you might feel good afterward, but how does that person feel? Do they want to agree with your points after you embarrassed them and attacked their pride? " We should always do our best to be friendly and kind, even when someone wrongs or upsets us. Carnegie shares another story of how O.L. Straub an engineer, needed to get his rent lowered or he wouldn't be able to afford it.
Instead of going in and trying to argue prices immediately or explain how ridiculously high the rent was, Straub calmly told the landlord how much he liked the apartments and how great of a job they had done running the place. He then said he wanted to stay for another year but he simply couldn't afford it.
The landlord, as notoriously difficult to deal with as he was, actually went out of his way after to help Straub achieve a lower and more affordable rent.
Let The Other Person Do A Great Deal Of The Talking
Many people trying to win others to their way of thinking do far too much talking themselves which is less than optimal to say the least. As such, Dale Carnegie recommends letting the other person do most of the talking. Especially if the other person is upset or not seeing things the way you want. And even if you disagree with them, don't interrupt them. Let them finish. If interrupted, they'll still have a stream of ideas running through their heads. God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. We need to listen twice as much as we talk!
Be Sympathetic With The Other Person's Ideas And Desires.
What most people really want, and in many cases need, is to be listened to and understood for who they are. Carnegie estimates that three - fourths of the people we meet want, or need, sympathy. One phrase that eliminates ill will, creates goodwill and gets people listening to you better is simply: “ I don't blame at all for the feeling u are having. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do. " And, as it turns out, you can say this phrase with 100 % sincerity because if you truly were that person, with their mindset and feelings and background, you really would feel that way. Of course, if you were you in their body, you may obviously think differently.
We normally have no idea of why the other person behaves as they do and that we should be mindful not to judge anyone. This doesn't mean we have to agree with the choices and behavior of others. But judging or condemning them will help no one. With this, we come to the end of the book. This is a timeless epic one must read once in a lifetime.