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Legally 18 or Mentally 18?

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  • Tip Bones

Recently my eyes were fixed on an article on the Clicks magazine about "How parents should stop telling their children that the internet is a monster and rather focus on how they could put the internet to good use".

This is true. We need to remember that change is inevitable and the more we shy away from change, the more it is possible for things "to go south".

When a young one receives a phone, they being to internet surf which does lead to websites that can make them that they are Legally 18, however, there are young ones who just want phones to play games and listen to music.

Difference between Legally over 18 & Mentally over 18

Being Legally Over 18, means having the law permits you to buying alcohol, smoking, moving out of home, adopting, getting a driver's license, having a passport and registering your own company. It also permits you to have access to pornographic websites.

Being Mentally Over 18, means believing that you are over 18, however, you're not officially 18. This could be due to childhood trauma, peer pressure or exploring with the wrong reasons.

How child Childhood Trauma contributes to believing one is Mentally Over 18

People never tend to talk about this nor admit to this, but there are situations where you are "forced to grow".

I, myself am considered to be "an early bloomer" because I started puberty at the age of 9. It's crazy because scientifically, that's how it's supposed to be, but to the human eye, this was quite weird yet interesting. Being an early bloomer meant having a petite body which girls didn't have that at my age. It meant having a mind of a 15 year old in the body of a 9 year old. Crazy. A guy (which can not be mentioned due to reasons) started noticing me and eventually I was touched in "the no no zone". This also meant internet surfing and you guessed it right, I was onto a pornographic website. Curiosity led me there I must admit. I was curious to know if the first time was supposed to be that scary, was it supposed to be that truamatizing that you had to keep it a secret even from your best friend.

Watching pornography at the age of 9 had psychology left a scar.

Firstly at the age of 13, I developed a personality disorder which was named Mi'enhle.

Secondly I'd get the overwhelming feeling of being with a male.

I started drinking and smoking at the age of 14. Wearing wigs and extensions became "my thing". In my head, I was over 18 because, I had done things that only 18 year olds and over should do.

This became a problem towards my family and the church youth leaders. But how do you explain that your mind has been twisted and you crave the touch of men whenever it suits you? How do you explain that you are very different from your perfect sisters who don't seem to have any flaw?

When I had finally reached the age of 16, nothing excited me besides going to parties without the drinking and sleepovers, of course rebelling against my parents wishes.

Is it a good thing to rebel against your parent's wishes?

NO! It is not. Seeing your parents disappointed in you leads to depression and self doubt. Parents lose trust in you and regaining it is not as simple as you think it is. It leads you feeling suicidal because you feel as if nothing you do will ever be good enough.

Have you ever told your family how this childhood trauma has affected you?

I haven't and if they don't ask, I don't think I should. My aunt does check up on me, but I don't think I'd open up to her just like that. In my experience, talking just makes everything worse. It helps them understand what's wrong but not what's going on in your head. My alternate solution is crying and it does help but I do suggest talking to a psychologist. They do help.

How Peer pressure or Exploring for the wrong reasons leads to one believing they are Legally Over 18

When school closes, people gather to celebrate their achievement for the term, which leads to smoking Hookah Pipes & drinking heavy kinds of alcohol. Being one who wasn't really interested in all this decided to ask for a friend's phone, this resulted to me exploring his phone. Throughout my exploration I found an app called "Kamasutra". When I opened it, it turned out to be a sex guide. Trying to distract my thoughts, I found myself smoking. Eventually cheers and encouragements to start drinking began. A part of me knew I shouldn't but the other part wanted to look cool, to seem as though I loved drinking too but I didn't so why did I go through with it? Simply because of the pressure around me.

How do I draw the line from being Legally Over 18 and Mentally Over 18?

That is one thing I am struggling with myself. Having a religion in which you have hope can help you (I personally prefer Christianity). Draw boundaries to what you want and what is it which you don't want. Be assertive and confident to what you say and to who you say it to. It's very easy for people to take advantage or at least get in your head and convince you otherwise. Remind yourself of your age whenever you're tempted to do something.

At the end of the day, we need to draw the line between, how old I really am and how old do I think I am